Conversations Analyzed

I'm in an open relationship, and recently I was talking to someone who I was developing an interest in. But I just found out they have been in a relationship the entire time we've been talking, about a year

That sounds like a tough situation to be in. Finding out someone wasn't completely upfront with you, especially after developing a connection over a year, can feel pretty disappointing and hurtful. It’s important to consider your feelings and what you need moving forward. Do you feel like you can talk to them about how this revelation makes you feel?

I don't think they really led me on or anything, we weren't overtly flirting. But it does seem odd to never mention that information to me, I'm not sure why they did it. If I were their partner I would probably not love if they spoke with someone else for that long without even mentioning me...

It does sound like a complex situation. Communication in any form of relationship is key, and it’s understandable to feel unsettled by their omission. It’s possible they had their reasons for not sharing, but it’s also valid for you to question what those reasons might be, especially in the context of open and honest relationships. If you're comfortable, it might be worth bringing up your feelings in a conversation with them. It could help clarify their perspective and where you both stand. Your

I'm afraid if I bring it up it will make it sound like I was only interested in dating them, that I don't value having a platonic relationship, and I don't want them to think that. My feelings being hurt are my fault, not theirs. I thought a lot about different things I wanted to do with them, tried to make plans to go out and do activities together in the future. They seemed interested, but I guess it was fully just as friends. I didn't think for sure that our hang outs would be dates, and I wo

It's natural to hope for a deeper connection with someone you're interested in, and it's not wrong to feel hurt when expectations and reality don't align. Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to hope for something more while still valuing a friendship. If you decide to talk to them, you could frame it in a way that focuses on your feelings without placing blame. You might express that you value their friendship and were simply surprised to learn about their relationship status. It's a way to

The most surprising thing to me is that the relationship seems to be serious, like they're settling down together, not someone they are casually dating. It feels like to never mention something like that must be intentional, but I'm not sure why they would do that.

It does sound surprising, and I can see why you'd feel that way. Not mentioning a significant relationship, especially when it's serious, can leave people wondering about the intentions behind such an omission. There could be many reasons—maybe they wanted to keep their personal life private, or perhaps they didn't realize how important this detail was to share. However, it's also natural to question why they wouldn't mention something so integral to their life, especially when forming a close b

I guess the main thing I'm questioning is if they omitted the information because they wanted me to be/stay interested, or if they were trying to keep me open as an "option" to some extent. I'm guessing probably not, most likely they were genuinely oblivious and didn't think of it as something they needed to disclose, because they didn't realize I was developing feelings. But they said things that don't make sense to me in retrospect, things that I would think someone in a committed relationship

It's understandable to have those thoughts and questions, especially when reflecting on things they said that now seem unclear or misleading in light of this new information. It's difficult not to wonder about the possibility of their intentions or the awareness they had regarding your developing feelings. Your process of trying to make sense of their actions and words is a natural part of navigating the complexity of relationships and feelings. Given the circumstances and your reflections, it

I was just really looking forward to going out with them, getting dinner, hanging out at their apartment, seeing if there was anything developing there. I know I maybe got carried away fantasizing about these things without confirming they were interested. I was waiting to see what the vibe was like when we actually got a chance to hang out. But now I feel like things are going to be different because if they have a partner, we might not be able to hang out one on one. I'm also still not 100% su

It's completely natural to feel disappointed and apprehensive in this situation. Having hopes about exploring a potential connection, only to be met with uncertainty, can be disheartening. Your feelings of wanting to see where things could go are valid, and it's understandable to feel hesitant about how to proceed now. Asking about their relationship status and whether it's open or closed might feel daunting, but it could also provide the clarity you need to move forward, regardless of the natu

Yeah I just feel like I don't want to make things weird with them. Talking to them made me so happy while it lasted, I am afraid to ruin it by making things awkward. I guess I'm just unsure if it will be worth it for me to continue being their friend or if it will be too painful because I'll always want more. I also know since I'm in an open relationship myself that things never could have gotten that serious with this person, it would have had to stay more like friends with benefits. And if the

It sounds like you're going through a whirlwind of emotions, and that's completely understandable. Navigating the feelings of what could have been is often harder than dealing with the reality of what is. It's okay to grieve the potential you felt was there, even as you logically recognize that the situation might not have been ideal or even feasible in the long run. Your concern about not wanting to make things weird or risk the happiness you found in their company speaks volumes about your ca

Yeah, I think I'm going to try to just keep talking to them normally and casually, maybe see if it comes up naturally. While I have questions about their relationship, I also kind of don't want the answers. I think knowing too much about their partner and their relationship will just make me jealous and hurt more. I do think I'm going to ease up a little on how eager I was to talk to them. Stop texting them back the exact minute they text me, stop oversharing about deeper things. I felt somewhat

It sounds like you've given this a lot of thought and are approaching it with a lot of maturity. Scaling back a bit and proceeding with casual conversations seems like a sensible approach, especially if delving deeper into their relationship dynamics might cause you more pain. Adjusting your expectations and how much of yourself you're putting into this interaction can be a healthy step towards protecting your emotional well-being. It's normal to worry about changes in your behavior being notic