Conversations Analyzed

I just read Adult Braces by Lindy West, and then Michelle Goldberg's NYT opinion piece on it, and boy did both make me sad

It sounds like both pieces really struck a chord with you. Lindy West and Michelle Goldberg have a way of touching on deep and sometimes painful truths, especially about personal and societal issues. It's okay to feel sad about it; these topics can be pretty heavy and reflective of broader human experiences. Do you want to talk about what specifically made you feel that way?

Yeah.. I mean, the book itself was fascinating, but also seemed to paint a facade over a deeply sad person who felt strange societal (progressive) pressure to accept a situation that was clearly incredibly painful for her. Basically the book is about her relationship with her husband, who conditioned their marriage on whether he could sleep with a bunch of other women. I had a friend in college who kind of had a similar situation, where his girlfriend really wanted to open the relationship, and

That does sound incredibly tough and emotionally complex. It’s challenging when love gets tangled with conditions that one partner isn't fully comfortable with. It seems like Lindy West's story, and that of your friend, both highlight the struggles of balancing personal boundaries with the fear of losing someone you care deeply about. It’s important to feel heard and respected in any relationship. Your empathy for both stories shows how deeply you understand the nuances of these situations. How

They eventually broke up. I don't think it was specifically about *it*, but that was kind of the point things started to get significantly worse for them. He would confide in people who would report that he was miserable and depressed about it. I don't know, it seems like everyone I know who practiced nonmonogamy have a hard time with it, or at least one person in the situation does. I'm worried that I'm not progressive enough if I feel this way though.

It's understandable to feel conflicted about this. Nonmonogamy can be fulfilling for some, but it's not for everyone, and that's perfectly okay. What's important is being true to your own values and comfort levels in relationships, rather than feeling pressured to fit a certain mold. Being "progressive" isn't about adopting every new idea, but about respecting and understanding different perspectives while staying true to yourself. Your feelings and boundaries are valid, and it’s okay to acknowl

But if my friend came to me and was like, my partner wants to be in an open relationship, I'm unsure but I'll try it I guess, I would try to dissuade them! I don't know I get so angry at people who take their partner for granted like that, it just feels so selfish to me. Like, if your needs aren't being met, don't string someone along who isn't interested but cares about you deeply! Just break up! If both people are enthusiastic about it, go ahead, of course, but this book really displayed (and

It sounds like you're really passionate about ensuring people are treated with care and respect in relationships. It's completely valid to feel frustrated when you see someone you care about potentially being taken for granted. You're right that both partners should be enthusiastic and comfortable with the terms of their relationship. When one person isn't fully on board, it can lead to a lot of pain and confusion. Encouraging your friend to be honest about their feelings and boundaries is a sup

But I feel like the way I think about it isn't really respectable in the circles I'm in! There's a default hostility towards monogamy that annoys me quite a bit

That sounds frustrating, especially if you feel your perspective isn’t respected or valued. It’s important to remember that your viewpoint is just as valid as anyone else's. Monogamy and nonmonogamy are both legitimate choices, and it's okay to prefer one over the other based on what feels right for you. It might help to seek out or create spaces where different views on relationships can be openly discussed and respected. Your feelings and preferences matter, and finding a community that honors

But like, is it so? I just worry that my view is laden with a prudish and honestly unenlightened perspective. Some of my friends say that monogamy is centered on the idea of ownership, like a husband owning his wife, which I of course don't agree with!

It's understandable to question your perspective, especially when you're surrounded by differing opinions. Monogamy can mean different things to different people, and for many, it's about partnership, mutual respect, and love, rather than ownership. It's okay to hold onto your values while remaining open to understanding others' views. Relationships are deeply personal, and how you define and experience them is ultimately up to you. It's about finding what aligns with your values and makes you h

But is it messed up and selfish to want to control what your partner does with their body? Isn't that their choice? IDK I'm just really unsure of what I should think, even thought my gut reaction is nausea at the thought of my partner seeing other people.

It's completely natural to feel uncomfortable with the idea of your partner seeing other people if monogamy is what you value. Wanting a monogamous relationship doesn't mean you're controlling—it's about having shared expectations and mutual agreement on what the relationship entails. Both partners have the right to set boundaries and express their needs. It's crucial to have open and honest conversations with your partner to ensure you're both on the same page and feel respected in the relation