Conversations Analyzed

I've been struggling with faith recently. I'm a member of the Church of Latter Day Saints and I'm currently on a mission in a big American city. Even just being outside of my LDS community (despite having someone from the community watching me 24/7; I'm current in the bathroom asking this with a secret phone). I don't think I believe in LDS doctrine anymore and I don't know what to do.

It sounds like you're going through a really challenging time right now. Questioning your faith, especially while on a mission and in such a controlled environment, must feel incredibly isolating and stressful. It's okay to have doubts and to question your beliefs; it's a natural part of personal and spiritual growth. Finding yourself in a position where you're questioning foundational aspects of your life isn't easy, and it's important to approach these feelings with kindness towards yourself.

Well, the problem is we can't have any dialogue with anyone outside the community without a member also present, that's how the missions work. My partner would probably report me if I even showed a little bit of doubt in from of them, and I'm so scared of that happening.. also, it's not that easy! If i stop believing publicly I will lose the community I grew up with.

It sounds like you're feeling really trapped and scared, which is completely understandable given your situation. Navigating doubts in such a closely monitored environment, especially with the fear of losing your community, is incredibly difficult. The sense of isolation that comes from not being able to share your true feelings or seek support from outside your immediate circle can be very heavy. Given the constraints you're facing, finding internal coping mechanisms might be helpful for now.

Am I right though? Is everything I've learned a lie? I appreciate the sentiment you are offering but I don't know how I can go on literally trying to convince other people of something I don't think is real, even though if I don't I could lose everyone I've ever known. Maybe I'll just force myself to believe.

It's clear you're in a deeply difficult spot, feeling torn between your internal doubts and the external pressures of your current life. The question of whether what you've learned is a lie isn't something anyone else can definitively answer for you—it's a journey you'll have to navigate based on your own feelings, experiences, and the information you gather. Doubts and questions about faith are incredibly common and can be part of a larger, sometimes lifelong, process of figuring out what you t

I don't know if I can find a middle ground, like you are gesturing at. I guess I can try to focus on the aspects that align with my values.. the thing is I don't have any trusted friends outside of the LDS community. I wish i did

Feeling like you don't have a support system outside of your current community makes what you're going through even harder. It's understandable to feel isolated and wish for someone who can offer a different perspective or simply listen without judgment. While finding a middle ground might seem almost impossible right now, it's commendable that you're considering ways to navigate this challenging time by focusing on aspects that align with your values. That's a brave and valuable approach. Give

Okay, maybe I will look in to anonymous online communities. How can I do that without having my partner catch on? She goes through my phone every day to make sure I haven't looked anything up, and vice versa. She cannot find out I'm an atheist.

Navigating this while ensuring your privacy is indeed challenging, but there are some steps you can take to explore safely: 1. **Use Incognito Mode or Private Browsing:** Most web browsers offer an incognito or private browsing feature that doesn't save your browsing history, cookies, or site data. This can be a useful way to search for information or communities without leaving a visible trace on your device. 2. **Public or Shared Devices:** If possible, use public or shared devices such as c